Awful Beautiful Life

I'm getting married

2009-01-21T11:50:00.002-05:00

In 18 weeks and two days. Holy Shit. I'm sort of freaking out a little. This is HUGE..

I hate school.

2008-11-19T08:46:00.001-05:00

I feel like I'm back in high school. I don't want to go to class, I don't want to do the work. Every thing's kind of happening RIGHT NOW and it all needs to be done last week and I'm starting to freak out. I hate school. I just wish I was done with it all. I think I may transfer to a different school next semester. It's sad, NONE of the classes I'm taking this semester are classes that I'll need. Luckily they ARE related to my major and could potentially help me out in my future career, which means they aren't totally wasted classes, they just aren't necessary for my specific degree program. It sucks. I sure hope I can get a lot of classes in this summer. :P I just wish it was over with. ugh.

K

Wedding.

2008-10-31T10:22:00.001-04:00

I figure while I'm here, doing updates anyway, I should probably update about the wedding to. It's still on. But instead of the small wedding I wanted... It's now somewhere around 60-70 people. I'm not super happy with that, but whatever. I found photographer that I want, but I haven't convinced Jake to let me go ahead and book him. I emailed a baker but haven't heard back from him yet. The plannings going well so far. Hopefully It'll continue to run smoothly.

K

It's been a while...

2008-10-31T10:11:00.003-04:00

I'm sorry dear... few... readers, that I have neglected you. :) It's just been a little crazy lately. I'll go ahead with the rundown of what's been going on with me.

August: Classes started at work and at school. Got super busy, J and I had something planned for every weekend this month and didn't have a whole heck of a lot of time to do anything. Closed on the construction loan for the house, the foundation was done and the house was brought in the last week of August. :) YAY! Exciting! :)

September: Work and school still going on, starting to get burnt out with both. Sick of it taking FORFREAKINGEVER! to graduate. Running out of original ideas for work, and feel like I'm running ALL THE TIME because I'm only here three days a week. House is set on foundation and contractor goes about getting things done. We have something planned for pretty much every weekend this month as well. Feeling generally burnt out due to constantly running. Family drama with J's family... SIL walked out on his brother. Good riddance I say. She wasn't good enough for him and he'll find out that her leaving was the best thing to happen to him. She was just simply... TRASH.

October: Water line for the house goes in. We're currently waiting for the meter for the power to be put in and the electricity check. Hoping to get the keys this weekend, but more than likely won't. :( SHOULD have them by next weekend. EXCITED! Work and school are getting into a routine. Got to be a lazy ass last weekend and am starting to feel a little refreshed.

OK, that was the quick and dirty of what I've been up to. If you have any questions.. Ask!

K

Random Peice of Paper.

2008-07-25T14:14:00.002-04:00

So, I'm having issues with my thyroid, and I've gained 23 lbs. since April... Yeah, SINCE APRIL! yuck. Anyway, hopefully once my meds get straightened out I'll drop it pretty quickly. That's usually what happens with these things. Anyway, I have one pair of jeans that is one size larger than what I normally wear, along with a couple other pair of comfortable pants for times like these. I've already worn the other pants this week, and they all need to be washed. I tried fitting into one pair of regular jeans this morning. It's not happening today. So I'm digging through my closet and I see my "fat jeans" and put them on. I don't like wearing them a lot because they are short and the waist likes to ride down... dangerously.

It's been a while since I've worn these jeans. I've moved since the last time I've worn them. I also realized about 10 minutes ago that my grandmother was still alive the last time I wore these jeans. The 14th of July was the one year anniversary of her death.

The realization hit me when I was sitting at my desk and noticed that there was a piece of paper in my back pocket. I put everything in my back pockets if I'm wearing jeans, BTW. I pull it out and it's obviously been washed. I start to open it and I realize what it is.

When I was living at home my mother would make us write Christmas lists, each of us were supposed to have 10 items on our list, and they were supposed to be to her by Thanksgiving so we could all start our shopping. My sister, brother and I usually just typed ours and gave my mom the typed sheets so she could make copies (we'd all get a packet with every one's list in it the Monday after Thanksgiving). My Grandmother's last Christmas, not quite two years ago, she gave me her list to type.

It's funny how random things can make you look like a blubbering idiot sitting at your desk at work. This piece of paper that I've pulled out of my pocket was her last Christmas wish list. In her handwriting. I figured it would be easier to see things like this over a year later. It's not. I still miss her. I miss her a lot.

K

Not a whole lot.... But enough

2008-07-23T10:12:00.003-04:00

So, there hasn't been a whole lot going on. I say that a lot, and when I start describing what's going on it turns out to be a lot. I just don't seem to have a concept of what having "a lot" going on is.. lol... with my definition of "not a lot" is what it is I'd really hat to see my definition of "ton's of stuff" lol..

House news: Every thing's signed. The hose is ordered. Everything needed for the building permit (on our end) is in the county planer's office waiting for whatever the builder needs to do. The builders have already had people on the site. They have started hauling in dirt to make the platform. the longish estimation is 5 - 7 weeks until the house is on site. After that it will be putting it on the foundation and putting it together and getting everything hooked up. Hopefully J will be able to move his stuff in (or at least start moving it in) by the end of November.

Wedding news: We've finally agreed to a VERY SMALL wedding. Just me, him, C, his dad officiating and two witnesses of his choice. I feel really good about this but have had some guilty feelings about not having anyone else there. When I start thinking about it expanding to include parents and siblings I start to freak out so I'm sticking with the minimum guests for the ceremony. I don't know how I'm going to tell my family, though. My mother is going to be disappointed and I hate dealing with her crap sometimes, but she'll just have to deal with it. I'm still getting a dress, and I'll probably get a photographer for the ceremony and then to do the TTD pics afterward. I have no idea about the reception. He seems to be OK with still having it, so I guess we will, but I don't even need that. I think it'll just be a BBQ for a few hours, everyone just hanging out and having fun, with maybe cake an some music. Just low key, and no one has to even show up if they don't want to.

School stuff: I'm doing OK this semester. I'm about done with it all, though and ready for this semester to be over with. I'm just glad I'm not taking classes through the community college next semester. The CC and the University start a week apart, so the CC starts and ends a week earlier than the University, so when I take classes at both I lose about a week of my break in there. 24 credits to go for my BA after the summer semester is over.

Work stuff: Work is better. I've realized that it's not the job that I'm having trouble with, it's the support. I have to do so much on my own and it's difficult. I've decided to do two events a month, but do one on the one campus one week and one on the other campus the next week so that I'm not rushing around trying to do so much when I won't be there two days a week anyway. This will help me look pretty good at work, too, hopefully. Though, I do need to start my report for next spring so that I can remember everything that I did.

Health stuff: My thyroid is all out of whack right now. I'm going up and down on the energy thing, and I think that my Dr. needs to seriously boost my meds. I have am apt. tomorrow, though, so hopefully that goes well. I've also started to pay more attention to when I take my pill in relation to when I take other pills as well as when I eat because I'm supposed to take my med on an empty stomach. I'm also working on making sure to take my pill at a more consistent time. These changes that I've made would probably have been what my Dr. would have told me to do in the first place, so having already made the changes when I see her I'll be able to tell her how I feel and what changes I've made. She'll probably boost my dosage and then have me keep consistent with those changes and then come back in another 6 - 8 weeks for blood work, etc... to see how I'm doing. Funny enough when I was taking pre natal vitamins I was feeling much better, even though I was taking them WITH my thyroid med. which is a no no because the supplements can prevent the meds from absorbing. Anyway, I'm taking the vitamins again, but I'll be taking them in the evening instead of the morning, along with my BC (I know, strange to be taking pre natal vitamins and birth control at the same time, but whatever.)

Kid stuff: We have boosted C's Concerta again. Just started it yesterday, but so far so good. We didn't have any issues coming off of it like normal. No tantrums yesterday, but we did have a hard time getting him to sleep last night. he seemed to be very calm yesterday, so we'll keep an eye out and see how he acts over the next few weeks.

Relationship stuff: J and I are doing well. I'm feeling better about everything. I've been a little erratic and getting all pissed at him for no reason, but I'm going to blame that on my thyroid, because I feel like I shouldn't get mad but I can't control it. Lately I haven't been getting upset as much, though. But since we got my results for my blood work back he's been super attentive and really worried about how I'm doing. He's been really big on making sure I'm getting enough rest and helping with C and just basically making sure to give me a break if it seems like I need it. It's been such a huge help, and I am so freaking lucky to have found someone so willing to step up and just be there for me.

Other family stuff: Still civil with mom, but dreading telling her that she's not coming to the wedding ceremony. I'm thinking of having her come with me to look at dresses and at least letting her be a part of that since she won't be at the ceremony. Not sure how she'd feel about going with me to try on dresses knowing that she won't be at the actual ceremony. Whatever, we'll just have to see.

That's about all that's going on with me lately... see, not a whole lot, but enough.

K

People Piss me off.

2008-06-28T11:42:00.002-04:00

So, we had an issue with J's SIL. She can't take a shit without an audience standing around her and clapping for her. I swear, she's an adult with her own job and own home and is too "weak" to take out her own freaking garbage. Anyway, He basically had to let her and his brother know that he doesn't mind helping with things like feeding her dog when she works nights, or emergency situations, but anything else she can either do herself or wait untill her husband gets home. Anyway, that's taken care of now so I'm happy abou that.

THEN there's his father. Last night they were planning to go look at some tractor or something. Something I am COMPLETELY uninterested in. There was absolutely NO NEED for me OR his mother to go, but his dad insisted on his mother going, and she just gives in instead of standing her ground, so I was like "WHATEVER, I'll go" but I was so beyond PISSED. So, we get there and it was a LOCKED lot that we literally drove past to look out the freaking window at something. After that I asked "IS that it?" then I was like "What in the WORLD was the point of EVERYONE getting into the car for that???" Nobody said anything because, I, of course, was right. also, I'm sure they all knew I was pissed and didn't want to get me riled up or anything.

I don't know, you'll have to excuse me if I'm wrong here. I just have a really hard time understanding how a person can't do anything without somene else's head BEING SHOVED UP THEIR ASS!!!!! I just don't get it.

It also bothers me that his mother is just so resigned to doing what his father wants. It's like she's not allowed to have her own life and she's got to respond to his every beck and call. I just hate seeing that kind of crap because I know I don't want to end up being that resigned to everything. I dont want J to end up like that either. I don't see how his mother can be happy being someone else's slave like that. But I guess some women are just OK with the whole "Property" role.

I've just been in a really pissy mood lately, and I really can't stand people a lot. I don't know what the hell it is all about. Maybe it's that "Bridezilla" effect. They say that the reason so many brides do that crap is because it's their way of coping with the loss of their singlehood. Maybe i'm just a bitch. That's probably what it is.

I just know one thing. People piss me off.

K

Spell Check

2008-06-28T11:25:00.003-04:00

It's there for a reason. Yet I reguse to use it. Someone tell me why I insist on sounding like an idiot. :) Anyway, hopefully I remember to use it from now on.

K

Everything sucks right now

2008-06-24T18:31:00.005-04:00

Well, it's been a while. I don't eve know what's going on with me lately. I'm totally unsatisfied with my job and kind of worried that I may lose it. I'm just no longer interested in it for some reason. My medications have been messed up and that may be a contributor to the dissatisfaction with my job because it's been getting better.

I don't know what's going on with J and I. I want to postpone the wedding one day and I want to be married NOW the next. We've got everything done with the house, as soon as the appraisal goes through the bank they'll order the house and it should be move in ready within 4 or 5 months. So that's nice... I'm still freaking out about it all.

C is doing better, but we had a bad day at day care today. That's not good, it's only the second week.

Even though it all seems OK, everything feels like it sucks right now. I talked to my Dr. about depression at my apt in may, that's when we found out that I need to up my meds. I should talk to her about the fact that I seem to get more depressed and angry right before my period. I'm wondering if it has something to do with my birth control. I've been on it for two years and this has been happening for the past 6 - 9 months. I think that I'm going to finish reading TCOYF and then talk to J about going off of my birth control pill and use the FAM method. We're already using condoms too, and we're getting married within a year, so we'll have to see.

K

Changes

2008-03-26T19:58:00.001-04:00

Funny. I titled this back in March and never even wrote anything in it. There are a lot of changes goin on around me. I'm getting married in less than a year. We'll have our house built by the end of the fall. I'm freaking out. About it all.

K

I really should blog more often.. lol..

2008-02-26T15:41:00.003-05:00

So, many many more things to update on..... again... lol..

The trip to MI went well. My family seems to like J, and he seems to like them, which is good, but not a dealbreaker as they all live 12 HOURS away and there's not much likelyhood of us going up there more than once a year to visit, if that.
It was good to see everyone, and I'm glad we went.

J and I also went looking at houses a few weeks ago. It was actually TONS of fun and we both realized that there are a lot of things that we both like as far as houses and our styles. We found a floor plan that we both fell in love with, and now we are going this weekend to talk to some builders in Greenville and see what they can do for us as far as getting us what we want and what it's going to cost us.

C is still doing well in school, and that has relieved SO MUCH stress for me. I'm wtarting to wonder, though, how much of it was my parents and living with them and how much of it was the ADHD. Don't get me wrong, I KNOW that the ADHD has probably caused quite a few issues, BUT I feel like I can confidently say that the problems were increased due to the environment that he had to live in.

J's sister in law had a baby last night, so that's pretty exciting. It'll be fun to see him and how he grows and stuff. Babies are SO MUCH FUN when you can give them back.. :P seriously.

That's about all i have for now. Work and school are both going OK and I'm feeling much better since my last post..

K

Sucking the creativity right out of me!!!!

2008-01-29T15:15:00.001-05:00

I don't even know where to start. I'm so unmotivated to blog lately. I'm tired. Really tired. It's my job. I've realized that I hate it. It's not a hard job, and most would think a pretty fun job. I make decent money and have an insane amount of flexibility. The problem? It's extremely creatively demanding. It's the kind of job that you have to be creative and original on demand. On a weekly basis. I enjoy my creativity. I'm not the kind of person that is artistic in that I can paint or sing or write. I'm creative. I see artistic ability and creativity as two totally separate things. I think that a person can have amazing artistic ability but not necessarily be creative, just like a person can be extremely creative without an ounce of artistic ability. I am the latter. I'm an idea person, and many of my ideas com at me out of nowhere. I'm usually randomly, suddenly and shockingly inspired by some random thing. It hits me like a bolt of lightening sometimes, and others it just kind of seeps in. This forcing of my creativity has completely dried me up. I feel drained. I feel that there is nothing left in me right now. Exhausted.

With that piled on top of school, and taking care of C plus the early stages of wedding planning. Actually, I'm doing more than the early stages because I want to get as much done as possible asx early as possible. We aren't getting married until May 30, 2009 and I already have the invitations. I know, it's pretty bad. Anyway, the worst part is that I've gotten BORED. I hate being bored. It's the most difficult thing for me to be and so difficult for me to get out of. I think I need help. I need a vacation. Something. I feel burnt out.

K

Long Overdue Update

2007-12-18T13:07:00.001-05:00

OMG I’m bored out of my mind!! I should be working on my spring activities schedule for work, but I don’t want to!! I figured that it’s been so long since I’ve blogged that I will go ahead and do that.

Quite a bit has happened since the last time I blogged anything. First my sister finally left her husband. Second, my mother flipped out and kicked all of us (me my sister and C) out of the house. Don’t know where the hell that all came from, but I’m over it and over that relationship in my life for now.

Lived with J and his family for about two weeks until I found an apartment, and now C and I have a place of our own. For about a year and a half, until J and I get married.

We’re planning to go look at floor plans after the first of the year. Who knows if we’ll actually GO since he’s told me three or four times that we were going to do this over the last year starting last many and it hasn’t happened since. I did find a floor plan that I like in a random magazine, though, and he seems to like it too, so that’s good.

There were a few rough weeks/months with C this school year. HE has been diagnosed with ADHD and has been doing extremely well in his new school and with his medication. I am so relieved about this. It’s been so nice to not get a phone call from the school at least once a week. I got one call on the first day and then I got another call last week and that was IT. The call from last week had nothing to do with his behavior, though. It was because he fell off the slide at the playground and landed on his face. HE was scratched up pretty badly. It made my stomach drop when I picked him up. I HATE that feeling.

So, that’s the update. All in all everything’s going pretty well right now. J, C and I are driving to MI right after Christmas to visit some of my family for a while, so that should be fun. Life has calmed down pretty well and I’m kind of liking the way it’s settling.

K

Strange Dream

2007-09-14T11:02:00.000-04:00

I had two different blogs that I was thinking of posting this morning, and I already forgot what the other one is. Anyway, I have go to post about this STRANGE dream that I had last night... It was sad, but not scary or anything. Just, I'm not even sure to describe it...

So, This dream was one of those so realistic that you don't really realize it's a dream dream. I was sitting on the couch where I used to sit when I would talk to my grandmother about all of the random stuff that I used to talk to her about, and she was sitting in the place that she always sat. I was talking and she was watching TV and listening with one ear and making the appropriate noises like she usually did. I felt like I talked to her for a good 30 to 45 minutes easily. There were parts of teh dream that I realized that it was a dream, and parts that it was just sooo real. Like I could just reach out and touch her. Anyway, I finally look at her and say "you're not really here are you?" and she looks right at me and says "No, I'm not. But you need me right now." She wasn't taklking to the me that was in the deam asking that. She was talking to ME. I then got up and went downstairs. I just stood there not wanting to go upstairs because I knew that when I went back up there she wouldn't be there anymore. That's when I woke up.

So, it was sad. I seriously feel like my grandmother came to me in that dream last night. I felt calm. I felt like she was THERE for me after this dream. I don't even know what to think anymore, but I do feel that she was really there listening to me last night. I don't even remember what we were talking about, but I feel like I told her everything that's been going on since she died. The dream kind of started at the end. Where I was finishing what I was saying right before I asked her if she was there, but I had the impression that I had been talking for a while. I also feel like I always did when I got done talking to her. I feel like I have finally been able to talk about whatever it was that I needed to talk about and haven't been able to because she was gone.

What a strange dream...

K

Overwhelmed

2007-09-11T16:01:00.000-04:00

I have been feeling soooo overwhelmed lately. I have been on an emotional roller coaster about getting engaged. I think I'm over that now for the most part. I just want my damn ring back now, so I'm taking that as a good sign. I skipped class last night and stayed home from work today and I am really starting to feel so much better about everything right now.

I am taking 15 credits this semester. It's not that bad, but I didn't expect the classes to be quite what they are. The work isn't HARD, it's just extremely time consuming. Watching videos, reading chapters, putting together videos, etc... Nothing very hard at all, but they all take up a LOT more time than I expected them to. I am also working on both campuses as well. I think I did it to myself, though. I threw too much at myself too quickly. Starting classes and huge events on both campuses at the same time? Yeah, I screwed that one up. Oh, well. I took a mental health day today and last night, and I'm feeling better.

K

MY ring

2007-09-09T11:03:00.001-04:00

So, we went and looked at rings last night. I'm so excited that we ordered MY setting. I'm keeping the diamond from the solitare he got me because it is a better quality than would normally come in the ring that we ordered, so we only had to order the setting. He was sweating pretty badly, though. It was about $1200 more for the setting that I wanted and he's, well, CHEAP. LOL. The ring will cost about $3000 total, which isn't that bad, really. Anyway, he was kind of freaked out about spending so much. I had to get dinner last night LMAO, AND he told me that I wasn't getting much for Christmas. I love the guy, but he is pretty cheap. Oh, well. It's ok, I guess. I mean, I did get MY ring out of the deal.. THE ring that I wanted.. Now I just have to get the matching band for when we actually get married.

K

The Ring, The Engagement, What the Hell?

2007-09-07T10:29:00.000-04:00

So, J proposed on Saturday night. It was really sweet and he fumbled through it and everything... But I HATEHATEHATE the ring. Part of it is that it reminds me of another ring in another lifetime many many years ago. The one that I PICKED OUT at that time. It also really REALLY pisses me off that he didn't ask me for my opinion on what I wanted. I really believe that even if he would have gotten me my dream ring a part of me would have hated it anyway and resented him for not getting my input on it. I feel cheated out of that part of the "getting engaged" process. He totally kept me in the dark about everything. It makes me so angry that whenever I think about it I get so angry that I want to cry. I feel like he cared more about doing it himself than what I may have wanted or liked. I don't know. I just hate that he totally left me out of everything. I hate that I just had to sit there and wait, and I HATE that he didn't care to find out what I might like. I feel like he did everything wrong and I just want to start all over again so that I can be sure to tell him exactly how I feel about being left out and kept in the dark about it all from the very beginning.

I'm also on a major emotional roller coaster right now. I'm all over the place as far as wondering if this is what I want to do, am I making the right choice, what that hell am I thinking, etc... One minute I'm SO excited that we are finally engaged, and the next moment I start to panic, and then I HATE the ring so much that I don't even want it on my finger, then I calm down, and I'm OK. I don't know WHAT is going on with me. I'm not sure what I should be thinking or feeling right now, all I know is that I am thinking and feeling EVERYTHING. The good, the bad and the ugly. ugh.. What do I want?

Getting Excited

2007-08-30T20:58:00.000-04:00

I'm starting to get excited about this weekend. I know that J will be proposing. Even though there is a part of me that still thinks that it won't happen. I think that's just the side that doesn't really trust anyone.

He's Covering His Ass

2007-08-29T11:44:00.002-04:00

Ok, if you read the last post, then you know that J came over on Sunday. Well, when he came over he told me that he had already been "in town" (he lives about an hour from me) and he's DRESSED UP. He told me that hew as picking up oil so that he can change the oil in the van that they use to carpool to work in. He was also wearing his class ring. I find it really difficult to believe that he got that dressed up to go into town to get oil. Especially since he was planning on changing the oil when he got home. He also told me that he's taking a half day at work on Friday, but didn't give me a reason why. HE NEVER TAKES TIME OFF WITHOUT A REALLY GOOD REASON!!!

Maybe I'm suspicious, maybe I just don't trust people, but I think that he's trying to cover his ass.

When he told me his plans about proposing next weekend I told him that I didn't believe him and I thought that he was covering his ass... sooo he's in town (Where the mall and other jewelers are BTW.. He lives int he middle of nowhere)dressed up, and can't give me a reason why he's taking off a half day on Friday... Anyone else thinking like I am? anyone else think that he picked out and ordered the ring on Sunday and is planning on picking it up on Friday? Yeah, I know. He's covering his ass big time!

K

I Messed Up

2007-08-29T11:44:00.001-04:00

… Kind of.

So, J and I went to dinner and then went to see a movie Saturday night. Right before the movie he says something about having to buy a ring soon and that he’s not sure if he’s going to wait until Christmas to give it to me or not. Well, as you know, he told me that the proposal would come in June or July. Another interesting tidbit is that I know that I SPECIFICALLY told him last February when we talked about this that I did not want to wait until this coming wither to get engaged because I just thought it was too long and that I wanted to be engaged before that.

Well, I was NOT happy for the rest of the evening, but I figured that I wouldn’t say anything because I wanted to take some time and cool off and sleep on it. That didn’t work. I woke up Sunday morning and was still pretty mad about it, so I called him and told him that we needed to talk about this, so he came over. As we were talking I kind of got upset.. Ok, I’m very emotional sometimes and anyone that’s been around here for a while probably at least suspects that I have just a little bit of a temper. Also, I’m sure many of you know that I’ve been a little frustrated about all of this lately. Well, I kind of just let it all out and told him how I was feeling and everything else.

Well, turns out that the whole “waiting until Christmas” thing was just him trying to throw me off so that I would be surprised when he proposes to me this coming weekend. See, he wanted to take me to the same restaurant that we had our first date at (Applebee’s) on the weekend of our first date (Labor Day weekend). How sweet, right? Well, it’s not a surprise anymore. The dork went and told me his whole plan when he should have just told me that it would be sooner than Christmas and that he wouldn’t wait that long. So, anyway, he did tell me that he is still going to go ahead and propose next weekend like he had already planned but now it won’t e a surprise.

I’m not sure if I feel bad about this or not. If anyone knew how much I truly LOATHE being surprised they would totally understand why I don’t really feel all that bad about knowing. What I feel bad about is the fact that he so wanted it to be a surprise and I went and ruined it. I mean, he did his part by saying what he said. I really wouldn’t have suspected this coming weekend TOO MUCH mainly because it hasn’t happened yet and I was pretty much starting to get pretty depressed about it, and kind of giving up on it ever happening. But, still, I feel bad because I know how much he wanted it to be a surprise.

Anyway, looks like there’s a pretty good possibility of me telling my “engagement” story this time next week, even though we already know the basic plan. He did, however, reassure me that it would NOT happen inside the restaurant, which I am completely relieved about.

K

Update

2007-08-25T10:51:00.000-04:00

So, it’s been a while. I should probably update. I always feel like these updates should be so long because has been so much gin on and so much time has passed, but I always seem to gloss over the big events. Not sure why, but oh well.

This is what has been going on. The evening of July 13th I found out that I had been accepted to the college that I wanted to get into. That evening my mom calls me and tells me that grandma isn’t doing very well. Mom and dad were on vacation with her. By 7:00 the next morning she was gone. It was sudden, traumatic and tragic. She had to be taken by helicopter to VCU and by the time she got there nothing could be done. She was gone. That was very hard to me to deal with because it was so unexpected. She still had SO MUCH life in her. There’s really not more to say. It shouldn’t have happened like that for her, but it did.

I got all of my school stuff done over the last month and a half; I will start the semester today. I m going to get my ass kicked by these classes, but I am excited, and I have realized that it is so worth it.

J still has not proposed. I’m starting to get ANGRY at him for it. I need to talk to him. I realize that in some sense I am being irrational, but I don’t really care. He gave me a timeline and I feel that he lied to me. He made me a promise and he broke it. I can not tolerate that. I refuse to be in another relationship where I am constantly lied to and where my feelings are not being taken into consideration. This is probably the worst thing he could do right now. I do not trust people easily, and I lose trust very quickly.

Not much else to talk about. I need to blog more, and I know that this probably seems pretty cold and unfeeling for an update, but there’s a reason for that. It is. I kind of feel like right now I just need to get the facts out and let everyone know what’s been going on so that I can start to blog again regularly. I don’t like to just leave people hanging and then come back like nothing ever happened.

That’s it.

K

I'm a little impatient

2007-06-20T10:01:00.000-04:00

So, I asked J "When are you going to propose?" Yeah, I'm a little impatient, and a lot straightforward when I have a question to ask. :) He won't tell me! :( He did, however, tell me that he has gone ring shopping, and he confirmed my ring size along with my setting metal preference. I just wonder if he's already gotten the ring and is trying to throw me off because I asked him, or if he really hasn't even gotten it yet. I'm going with hasn't even gotten it yet, because he's not the kind to try and trick a person.

Looks like I still have a few weeks to wait. :( I just hope it's soon... Like, REALLY SOON.. Like less than two weeks. :) lol.. we'll have to see..

K

I Have Sexy Feet

2007-06-19T22:26:00.000-04:00

Oh, yeah! I have sexy feet. I wrote in my last entry that we went to the amusement park on Saturday. First of all, I don't know how people can walk around all day in flip flops at a place like that. It's totally different than hanging around at home or even going to the mall. I know their feet have to be KILLING them when they get home!!

Anyway, this flip flop phenomenon gave me the opportunity to see a lot of feet.. and I came to a realization... People have FUGLY feet. As far as feet go, I have SUPER SEXY feet. I mean, my feet are HOT! LOL. Ok, I'm done bragging about my sexy feet.. lol :)

K

Fun Weekend

2007-06-19T17:59:00.000-04:00

So, J and I took C to tha amusement park on Saturday. They both did sooo well. C went on his first rollercoaster ride, so it was an exciting day for him, and for me, :) J is a wimp so he didn't go on it, but he is promising to go on next time. I don't beleave him. lol.

The day went really well, though, I have realized that I don't need to worry about "blending" with those two. They are doing very well forming a bond with eachother, and they both obviously adore eachother. I always feel very good when I see the two of them togeather. I KNOW that I have made a good choice with J, and that is a wonderful feeling.

K

I will be terribly missed by Kid Rock...

2007-06-14T21:42:00.001-04:00

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

so I took this quiz and somehow I just knew...

2007-06-10T11:24:00.000-04:00

...that this was the result that I was going to get...

You Are the Middle Finger

A bit fragile and dependent on your friends, you're not nearly as hostile as you seem.

You are balanced, easy to get along with, and quite serious.

However, you can get angry and fed up with those around you. And you aren't afraid to show it!

You get along well with: The Index Finger

Stay away from: The Pinky

What Finger Are You?

Shortening the engagement??

2007-06-05T12:40:00.000-04:00

but we're not even ENGAGED yet!?!?!?!

I have been looking at apartments and things because I need to move out of my parents' house by the end of the summer, so that I can get C registered for school at whatever school he will end up at when I move out. I was talking to J about all of the different areas and I was talking about the fact that I don't HAVE to stay in the state that I am in, I can move in the state that he is in (we live on the border of two different states) and still get in state tuition to the state that I am in because I work and pay taxes to this state. He also works here, so he could go to a school here and get in state tuition if he chose to (He wants to go back and finish his associates)

As we're talking about this he says, out of nowhere, "So we can get married before you finish your degree, then? I mean, we don't have to wait until you finish because you wouldn't need to transfer and you would still be able to pay in state tuition." This was actually the exact reason that I had decided that I wanted to wait, because of the tuition thing.

Now, I wasn't even THINKING in this direction. I mean, I thought it when I found this information out, but I did NOT think about that when we were talking on the phone the other night. Seriously, it makes me feel really good to know that he is thinking about this and that he really does want to marry me. It also makes me feel good that he was acting like he was excited about the idea that we could get married sooner than we had originally planned. Now, I'm just not too sure what to do. :)

K

Memorial Day Weekend

2007-05-29T10:46:00.001-04:00

This was a VERY busy weekend for me! I took Friday off because Saturday was my 25th birthday and I wanted to have a 4 day weekend for that. So, Friday I ran some errands, took some stuff to the post office, sent out my college transfer application to the 4 year college that I want to transfer too, got stamps, and did a few other things. I was supposed to pick up my associates degree but got the news that my name was so severely butchered that it had to be sent back to the printers. Anyone who knows my last name knows that this isn’t hard to do. :) Thankfully it should be in sometime this week, so I will have my degree in hand. YAY! Mom and dad cooked my birthday dinner for me on Friday night because J was taking me out on Saturday. We had grilled chicken and baby red potatoes and asparagus and corn. It was good. Then we did the singing and cake, they gave me my gifts (money and some SUPER CUTE cargo Capri pants) and C got me two plants and that was it for Friday.

Saturday I cleaned the house, cleaned my and C’s room, washed and cleaned out my truck, went grocery shopping and then went real shopping. I had to see if they had the cargo Capri pants that my mom got me for my birthday in other colors. They did! I got another pair, so now I have khaki and an orange pair. On the way home from shopping my battery light was blinking on, so I asked dad to check my cables because the light was coming on when I would turn a corner or hit a bump so I just figured my connections were loose. Nope. My alternator was shot. When I started the car, it started smoking. Then is seized up and melted the serpentine belt before I could turn it off. At that point J showed up to take me out to dinner. So we left the house, went to Outback and go in there within 20 minutes!!! Can you believe that?!?!?! Then we went to see Pirates of the Caribean and it was REALLY entertaining for as long as it was. I thought it was REALLY good, but I can definitely say that I was entertained enough to not realize that we didn’t get out of the theater until 1:15 am. I got some perfume and a card from J for my birthday and that was really sweet of him.

Sunday C and I went over to J’s house for the day. We’re working on blending, even though I don’t see it as being too much of a problem since the two of them adore each other. C played on all of the tractors, got a ride on the 4 wheeler, and we went down to the land so that C could climb on the back hoe, since he loves that. He also got to see the BIG bulldozer (but couldn’t climb on it) and he was SUPER excited about that. He loves all of those machines and things. Both of J’s brothers and his sister in law were there, and C had a blast playing with their toy tractors and helping J’s older brother wash his truck and shine his tires. J cooked dinner, and C ran around the yard till I thought I would drop from watching him. That kid could GO ALL DAY!! J’s sister in law asked about our future plans, but I have a feeling that J has not told them that we are planning to get engaged this summer, so I didn’t say too much. Just that we had discussed it. Then we had dinner, and J’s dad said “we were trying to figure out what J got you for your birthday. We were thinking that it would be something ‘sparkly’” and I just said that “I wasn’t expecting anything ‘sparkly.’” I’m getting the feeling that he is starting to feel some pressure from his family about this because of these kinds of comments. Then his mom gave me three or four hugs throughout the day, and she baked me a birthday cake and we had ice cream too. It was really sweet of them. They are really all very nice people and they are really starting to treat me like I will soon become part of the family. Even though there will be at least two years before that happens. After dinner all of the ‘boys’ went outside, got their baseball gloves, and threw the base ball around for a while. All in all it was a REALLY GREAT, AMAZING day.

Monday, we grilled, and C played in the little wading pool that he has in the back yard. Earlier in the day I went to the mall just to get out of the house and do something, then I took C to the park. Other than that we really just relaxed. Spend an equal amount of time inside and outside and just all in all had a nice, low stress, relaxing day.

The whole weekend was just great for me. It was one of those weekends that makes you not want to go back to reality, ya know? You just wish it could last forever. 

K

Ring Shopping

2007-05-20T22:01:00.000-04:00

So, last night J and I go to the mall before we go out to dinner. we go because he wants me to look around and give him some idea on what to get me for my birthday because I have NO CLUE what I want. We walk around for a little bit and look in some stores and he says he has an idea of what to get me, but I'm not sure HOW he's gotten an idea because I STILL don't know what I want.

After we look around a little bit we stop by Zales because we both realize that I need to find out what my ring size is so that he can actually get the ring and since we're at the mall anyway I might as well find out. We get my ring size and start looking around. Apparently he decided that he wasn't looking around with me there. I guess he wants to do this the old fashioned way and surprise me. So, I ask him if he would like me to give him an idea of what I might actually like. I think for me the worst thing would be for him to get me something that I HATE. I know that I would feel so bad if I hated the ring that he buys me, and have no idea what I would do or if I would even tell him because I know that it would be something that he put a lot of thought into. So, he now has an idea of what I like that way he won't get me something that I hate. I just kind of hope that he foes a little bigger than the ones that we looked at in the store. :) but if not, it's ok, because I know that I will like the style.

I'm getting REALLY excited now. I am such a commitment phobe but I am almost giddy and impatient to see what he gets me, and when he will propose. I think that he was a little upset that we really TALKED about when to get engaged because I think that it took some of the surprise out of it for him. I really feel like he wants that whole surprise element in there. That's probably why he said "Sometime in June or July." I have a feeling that he will wait until the end of July, and I really don't want to wait that long!! If it were up to me we would be married already and teh next day I'd regret it. lol.. It's a good think I'm making sure that I'm taking thinngs slow and am trying to be laid back about it. I'm still looking at a July 2009 wedding, though. I just wonder how hard it will be to convince him that this is the way to go. I'm also a little worried about how I will live on my own for the next two years, but at least then I'll know that if I ever have to I'll be able to do it on my own.

K

And that's when it hit me...

2007-05-11T10:06:00.000-04:00

10 years is not a long time at all!

OK, so on Monday I had a Dr. appointment. That wonderfully uncomfortable and irritating appointment that we women have to get every year. I just go to my family Dr. unless there are some issues, so this Dr. takes care of everything in one visit. My thyroid med. refill, by birth control refill, my cholesterol and glucose levels, etc... As she's looking at my file she notices That I'll be 25 before the end of this month. So she asks me, along with the 100 other questions that Dr.s ask you while thumbing through your record every year, "How old were you when you got your last tetanus shot?"

"15, I think." I answer.

So she says OK, and she's going to go write up my Rx's and she'll be right back in. In the mean time, the nurse comes in... with my tetanus shot!! GREAT! LOVE those.

That's not the bad part... The bad part is Tuesday afternoon. I'm sitting at my desk at work, swamped because of this even that at I have to plan for Monday, and I start thinking about my arm, that is hurting really badly. I start thinking about the last time I got my tetanus shot and how I though that 10 years would be "FOREVER." Then I realize how fast the last 10 years actually went.

This is where I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack. I suddenly realize that in TEN YEARS I'LL BE THIRTY FIVE!!!!!!! OMG!!!! WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?!?!?!?!?!?!

Seriously, the last ten years are GONE. Poof. Way faster than I EVER would have thought that 10 years could pass. My SON will be SIX years old this year. Where did it all go??

And I have come to the realization that I cannot stop time, but that I will have the same panic attack in 10 years when I get my next tetanus shot and realize that in the SHORT 10 years after that I'll be FORTY FIVE!!!!! OMG!!!

Sometimes life just passes by so fast. I wish it would slow down sometimes. Mostly during the good times, of course but still.

Well, that's my thought for the day. Have a great one!!

K

How can you tell that you are slightly commitment phobic?

2007-05-03T13:38:00.000-04:00

When your BF reminds you that you need to go to the mall sometime so that you can find out your ring size because he needs to buy you a ring (yes, "THAT" ring) this summer and you start to hyperventilate.

Yeah, I'm bad, I know. I love the man, and I know that I'm going to marry him. It has nothing to do with HIM really. It has everything to do with me and the fact that to date my life has been transitional at best. I grew up military, moved every few years, and truly enjoyed it. I THRIVED in this kind of life style. The freedom to reinvent yourself every few years, to meet new people, see new places, try new things is wonderful and addicting. I have always thought of myself as very adaptable. I have realized that I am adaptable to change, but not so adaptable to remaining the same if that makes any sense.

I am apparently the opposite of most people. Most people fear or dislike change. I fear and dislike NOT changing. I NEED change to some extent in my life. I have a hard time with things staying the same for too long. One of my greatest fears to become stuck in some kind of rut and become too regimented and routine. The funny thing is that I AM regimented and routine in most things. My daily schedule is EXTREMELY regimented, but I feel that this is simply because I realized that it made things easier and less stressful after I became a mother.

It's the "forever" thing that bothers me. A daily routine is one thing as it can always be changed to suit the needs of a different job, school schedule or whatever. The idea of living in one place for the rest of my life scares me. The idea of my life becoming TOO routine also scares the shit out of me. Though, the idea of looking at the same man every night and every morning does not bother me, especially if it is him. I feel that this also stems from the way I grew up. WE may have moved and may have changed but our family, the people we cared the most about and depended on were always there. I have started to really consider J to be my family, and am moving to the place where he is starting to replace my parents and siblings as most important (after my son, of course) as he should at this point in our relationship.

I have already decided that I will allow him to choose where we live as he has not only already bought the property but he has strong ties to the area and I don't have strong ties anywhere that I would want to live. So, I think my biggest fear in this is that I feel like I am giving up my freedom of that complete change that I am used to having every so often.

I think what I am most afraid of is making this commitment out loud. I have already made it to myself. I know that it's going to be me and him. I know that we will most likely spend the rest of our lives on this piece of property that he has. I am OK with it when I say it to myself, but when I say "Yes" to him, I am saying all of this to him, and that makes it real. I just hope reality is not as bad as I fear it could be and half as good as I hope it can be. If that's the case than I know I will be happy.

K

Crayons in the Wash

2007-05-02T13:52:00.000-04:00

Last night I pick C up from school, go to the ATM to put my paycheck in and then go to Target to get C some new sandals and get a Mother's Day gift for Mom. I get home and it is a beautiful day so I send C out in the back yard, and I change out of my work clothes. As I am putting the dirty clothes into the hamper I notice that it is full and suddenly realize that C has NO pj's for that night. No big deal, I grab the hamper take it to the laundry room and start a load of laundry. I go about the rest of my late afternoon/early evening as usual. Go outside with C for a little bit, work on a final, take the laundry out of the washer, put it in the dryer and start the second load of laundry, eat dinner, give C a bath and brush his teeth.

At this point I open the dryer to get some pj's out for him so I can get him in bed. Imagine my horror when all I see is a pile of clothes COVERED in green, red and orange crayon spots. Yeah, I cried. I got C's pj's out, because I really don't care if they are crayon stained, he only sleeps in those, and finish getting him ready for bed. I kiss and hug him goodnight and go downstairs to deal with and grieve the loss of nearly $500.00 worth of clothes.

Out of nowhere determination shines through. I decide that I WILL get these clothes clean. At least the IMPORTANT clothes, because OF COURSE all of my favorite work clothes and hanging around the house clothes are in this one load, right? I start looking through the cupboard above the washer to see what we have, and there it is, my saving grace, WAX REMOVER! It smells like lighter fluid. It probably is lighter fluid, but I don't care. I start putting it in EVERY spot I see, and then spraying with spray and wash immediately after.

I wash everything a second time. I am apprehensive about opening the washer and looking at what might be. Hoping that it is all clean and dreading the idea that it may actually be worse. I remove one article of clothing at a time, it STILL smells like lighter fluid, and start inspecting everything. It's clean. I breathe a sigh of relief. In the end I only have one shirt of mine and two shirts of C's that still have wax on them. I will try a different method to get those clean later, but for now I will simply bask in my triumph.

K

OK, I'm going to gush for a bit.

2007-04-23T22:13:00.000-04:00

So, Sunday I took C to J's house. The visit went really well again. It amazes me how wonderful J is with C. He is an amazingly patient man. I don't even know how to describe how much I love him, and how lucky I feel to have found someone that is so calm and patient and steady. He has such a calm strength about him that i can almost feel coming off of him. I think that the reason I feel like I have to shout from the rooftops or whatever is because I feel like yesterday really made me feel like I had made a good decision in allowing J into our lives. I have finally realized that it will be OK, no matter what, it will be OK.

I hate when I have SO MUCH to say, but I don't have the words to say it. That's really how I feel today and how I feel about this. I guess I just feel like my feet are on solid ground. It's been a while since I have really felt that way.

The cutest thing was when I talked to J tonight. He kept telling me how much fun he had just hanging out with the two of us. It's really great to hear that he enjoyed spending time with both of us that much.

I think I'm done for now. :) I don't have much more to say even though I have all sorts of things running through my head.

K

I'm a bad.. baaaddd blogger!!!

2007-04-18T12:15:00.000-04:00

I need to pay more attention to this. I really start to wonder if I actually have people reading this, and then I stop blogging for a month or so, and they just stop reading. Do I keep losing the people who would actually read my blog because I randomly stop writing for so long? Does anyone even actually READ this?? Probably not. I'm sure that I am just being a little conceited, and that no one actually reads my blog. lol.

So, what's been going on with me lately? Nada damn thing. OK, there's the end of semester rush. I have a two and a half page paper to finish TODAY for my Ethics class. Then I have a one page write up and a five page paper that I want to get finished for Political Science by Friday. THEN.. and Here's where I've been REALLY bad. I have not done any religion work for.. um.. four or five weeks.. so, I need to get that ALL done, and then I need to turn it all in... by next Friday. I would like to have it done by Monday, and if I wasn't such a procrastinator, and if I didn't spend so much time goofing off and doing nothing online, I could probably actually have it done by then. But, that's just not me. It will ALL (even the stuff I want done this week) be done at the VERY LAST MINUTE as usual. Ugh, bring on the self inflicted stress!!! lol.

Then there's the exercising that I have started. I am actually really starting to like it, and I really think that I'll be able to continue with this. I would like to add some toning exercises, but I have realized that for me, I need to introduce things one at a time, gradually, for it to stick. Truthfully, I am on a mission to become healthier, not to lose weight or fit into a smaller dress size or anything, because scary as it sounds, I actually really LIKE everything about me. Weird, huh? Even the stretch marks and the C-Section scar and all of the extra lb.s and bulges. I have gotten to a place where I'm OK with it all. Maybe that's why I'm more motivated to get healthy and actually do something. I'm not worried about losing so many pounds in so many weeks or fitting into this size dress for this event or anything. I'm not stressing out about any of that stuff. If losing weight or fitting into a smaller size is a side effect, then GREAT! It will help my wallet too, because if I can fit into a standard size (instead of a plus size) and look decent, then I won't need to spend the extra money at a plus sized store, or the two extra dollars that target tacks on for an XL. so, my mission was started nearly a year ago, when I quit smoking. I will make my one year mark on May 16. then I have cut out a lot of pop, and have started drinking more water. Now I am exercising regularly. Next event is to start eating better, which I am actually also gradually doing. OK, I cheat... A LOT.... but I'm trying. :)

Well, that's all I have for now. It's more than I have written in a while, and I promise to try to blog at least once a week from now on for all of the people that I imagine read my blog. :)

K

Adventures in Exercise...

2007-04-14T22:03:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I have started walking. I have walked a mile a day since Monday. It's been interesting, and I have had days that I have been sore. I have decided to get healthy. I quit smoking one year ago on May 16, ow I'm working on the exercise, and once I have that down I'll start working on healthier eating. This should be interesting. I hope to have more soon, and thought that I already did have more. Oh, well. :)

K

"Mommy, Will You Marry Me?"

2007-03-07T22:16:00.000-05:00

C says as he walks up to me with a bouquet of flowers made out of pipe cleaners. He says that he wants to marry me so I'll stay around forever and ever. I tell him that I am his mommy, so I can't marry him, and besides, I will always be around for him anyway. He gives me the flowers, and I say thank you and give him a hug and a kiss, and that's when he says,

"Hugging and kissing means that you are married."

OK, awwwww, right? These are the moments that I love being the mommy.

K

C Tried Collards Today

2007-03-07T22:02:00.000-05:00

So, dad decides that he wants to make collards with dinner. I, personally, HATE them but I have a policy that no one mentions whether they like something or not until AFTER C has tried it and decides if he likes it or not. We're eating dinner, and I put a little bit of collards on his plate, and he tries them.

"Yucky, I don't like that mommy," he says to me.

"OK, eat the rest of your dinner then," I tell him.

We continue on with the meal and I start to hear him saying "Yuck" again. I look over at him and this is what I see...

*Takes a bite of collards* "Yuck."

*takes another bite of collards* "Yuck."

my little guy is trying his hardest to be a "big boy" and eat all of his dinner for me, even if he doesn't like it. It was actually really sweet. Finally I tell him,"Baby, you don't have to eat it if you don't like it, I just wanted you to try it before you decided if you liked it or not."

He looks at me with relief on his face and says, "Thank you mommy, I really don't like that."

At least he gave it his very best try. :)

K

Clearance Nail polish

2007-03-05T13:27:00.000-05:00

So, I am a nail polish addict. I don't know why, since I NEVER paint my fingernails, just my toenails. I got this AWESOME red with glitter nail polish on clearance at Target the other day. I LOVE it. My toenails are already red. :) J loves it too, he commented three or four times that the color was very pretty... then he laughed at my fuzzy socks when I put them on since my feet were cold. oh, well.

Don't ask me what the point of this post is, I guess I just felt like writing something. It's been a while, and I felt the insatiable need to blog. Which is funny, since I have never had a journal or anything else like this before that I actually kept up with.

I was also Supermom this weekend. :) C got a new bed, one of those beds with the drawers in it, and I put it together all by myself yesterday. Man, did I sleep good last night... lol...

I have nothing else to say. Bye for now.

K

Just some fun stuff

2007-03-04T21:43:00.000-05:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

The Flat Tire Escapade

2007-02-26T13:24:00.000-05:00

Thursday morning, 10:30 am. I’m at work, chatting with a co worker when my cellular phone rings. I’m lucky I work somewhere that they do not mind me talking on my cell phone. I pick it up, and the person on the other line says “I’m stranded.”

I roll my eyes “And?”

“I’m at the *Local Grocery store’s name here* across from the hospital. I have a flat tire, and I’m not sure if I have a spare. Can you leave work, pick me up and take me home?”

“I’ll be there in a few minutes.” I tell my grandmother.

So, I tell my boss that I’m going to take my lunch early and go get my grandmother to take her home. I’m lucky I have a SUPER flexible job. She could have called a tow truck.

I know that so far I sound like I am REALLY mean. The truth is, my grandmother is an airhead. She is an absolute ditz, and she won’t life a finger to do anything for herself. She expects everyone else to do it for her. I am really starting to get irritated with her.

I get to the grocery store to pick her up. When I get there I see her sitting in her truck with a hand full of potato chips, just munching away without her dentures in. When she gets into the passenger seat of my truck, I tell her that she needs to stop buying cheap tires, and put just a little bit more money into tires as this is the second flat she’s had in as many months.

“I do not buy cheap tires,” she huffs as only a little old lady who feels as if she’s been offended can.

“Grandma, *I* am the one who called around for the tires. *I* am the one you told to ‘Ask them what the price is for the cheapest tires they have.’ And *I* am the one who has a decent enough memory to tell you that they were $37 each.”

“Those tires cost more than that!” she says, sounding outraged.

“No, grandma, they did not.”

“Whatever. I did buy tires at one time. (I have to butt in to this quote at this point. AT ONE TIME?!?!?! And when was that?? BEFORE or AFTER the ice age?!?!?) Anyway, I don’t know what happened to that tire. It was fine at Wal-Mart, and then when I left Wal-Mart and was driving to the grocery store I though to myself ‘wow, this truck could really use an alignment.’”

I roll my eyes again, as she continues with her story.

“I looked at my tires before I went into the grocery store, and they looked low, but they were not flat. Then when I came out of the store, the tire was completely FLAT! And I was planning on going and getting my state inspection too.”

This is where I have to prevent myself from laughing. I wonder if she would have gone to get her inspection first if they would have had to tell her that her tire was going flat. Most likely. Then she would have bought the cheapest thing that they had.

So, I drop her off at home. I go back to work, and I call her an hour later to see if she has made any progress. Calling a tow truck to get the truck home calling the tire place to get prices or even just calling my dad to see if there’s at least a spare tire. No, of course not. She expects my mom, dad, and I to come home after working all day, and then spend the rest of the evening getting her vehicle fixed, because she has to work the next evening.

My mom and I get a hold of my dad that evening, because he isn’t home yet. He tells us that her spare tire is in the garage. We go out to the garage and get the tire and the jack and get ready to go and change the tire. We’re giggling like we’re slap happy because we are getting the stuff together like total girls.

“Get that grease rag in case we get our hands dirty.”

“EW, watch out, that’s gross.”

“Let’s roll that tire into a garbage bag so we don’t have to touch it until we need to.”

We are finally on our way to get the tire changed and dad calls. He tells mom to go to the auto place and get some Fix-A-Flat. We’re there for like 10 minutes. Cannot find it. Finally ask an employee, and they walk us straight to it. We both had walked right past it. We buy it, and head to the grocery store. We are about to put the stuff in the tire, when my mom asks about opening the truck.

“Do you have the keys?” she asks me.

“I thought she gave them to you.”

“Let me go check my purse.”

The keys are not there. Mom calls Grandma. “Did we leave your keys at the house?”

“Yeah, they’re right here in front of me,” says my grandmother in true airhead form.

My mom looks at me, and rolls her eyes. We head home to get the keys. We meet dad there and head back to the grocery store. At this point there’s no reason for me to be there other than morbid curiosity. We are all laughing like a bunch of idiots by this point. It’s better than being all pissy and frustrated.

Finally we get the tire changed. We get the truck home. Mom tells grandma that he is getting g a DECENT set of tires. Dad says tat its OK if the tires outlive her (he is joking by the way).

Today, for the first time, my grandmother is getting a decent set of tires put on a vehicle. My dad had to pick them out, and my mom had to go with her to take her truck in to get them put on, so that she didn’t end up with cheap tires again.

::sigh:: Glad that’s over.

K

Poor Tuesday.

2007-02-20T09:30:00.000-05:00

So, it's Tuesday. Is is just me, or is Tuesday kind of the "forgotten day"? I mean, we all HATE Monday, but we sure do give it a lot of attention, being the beginning of the week and all. Then there's Wednesday, hump day, halfway through the week, and once it's over we're all a little closer to the weekend. Thursday gets some attention (definitely more than Tuesday) because it's just ONE MORE DAY to the weekend after that. Then there's the Holy Grail of the week days.... FRIDAY! EVERYONE gets excited over a Friday. Saturday is always great because it's the weekend, and usually a "party" or "date" day. Finally, there's Sunday, a day of worship for those who attend church, and usually a day of relaxing or doing something fun for those who don't.

But what about Tuesday? No one gets excited about Tuesday. It's like it's just hanging out there. The only time it really gets any attention is when there is a long weekend and we get Monday off. Still, then it's not even looked at as TUESDAY, it's treated as if it were a Monday, and even referred to in some cases as "feeling like Monday" so even on the days when it could get some attention, it is sadly STILL overlooked. ::sigh:: poor Tuesday.

K

Who reads this?

2007-02-15T21:51:00.000-05:00

OK, I'm seriously curious.. :) Who actually Reads my blog? if you read this, leave a comment and let me know.

Thanks!

K

The Fall

2007-02-12T19:15:00.000-05:00

So, there are a couple of things I want to get off of my mind...

First, last night, I fell down the stairs. I feel like an ass. It hurt, and I KNEW that I was going to feel it today. I tensed up, and pulled some muscles in the backs of my arms, my back, and my stomach. Bonus, though: I didn't break any bones OR hit my head on the stairs. All I have to say is that when it comes down to socks vs. wooden stairs.. the stairs win every time.. lol.. ::sigh:: I'm just hoping that I feel OK by tomorrow.

Other thing. There are some things in my past that I'm not particularly proud of, though I'm not ashamed of them either. These are just things that I KNOW most people have strong feelings against, and that they were stupid for me to do. My problem is that I need to tell J about them. Not to get it off my chest or anything, but because it is directly related to C and his father, and I feel that it is only right that he know this before we get married, because it will eventually come out anyway. There's no way it couldn't because my entire family knows about it, though most of them do not talk about it. I am the reason, and the perpetrator of the "Big Family Secret." How great is it to be that person? and then to have to tell the person you love that secret, because you know that if you don't someone else eventually will and it will just cause more issues that if you just tell them now and let them decide to either stay with you or leave. To have to sit there and wait for them to make that decision. I am scared to death to tell him, and I KNOW that I will not be able to get the words out. I know a lot of people won't condone it, but I have simply decided to write it in a letter to him, and let him absorb the information for a little bit. I realize that I am taking the "easy" way out, but I also know that I would not be able to tell him out loud. I will be there when he reads the letter, though, so at least I'll be able to see his reaction.

Ugh.. I am going to start wrighting now, and I plan to give him the letter this weekend. I would LOVE your prayers on this one..

K

Engagement....

2007-02-11T22:09:00.001-05:00

Well, J and I have recently had a very serious conversation. We've come to the decision that sometime in June or July we will be officially announcing our engagement. I am so excited. I know I probably shouldn't be saying anything, because I don't want to jinx it, but I just can't help myself. :) It'll wear off in the next few days or so, and then I'll start getting impatient to be able to announce it...

Now we won't get married for a few years still, because I need to finish school, but I still want to take this next step toward that big commitment.

It's so strange. I NEVER thought that I would get to this point in a relationship. I think that I am still kind of in shock. I'm not sure what to think. All I know is that I can't wait to get the ring and be able to announce that I am engaged to be married.
MAN, that's huge!

K

Warm Fuzzies

2007-01-30T22:14:00.000-05:00

I titled this "Warm Fuzzies" because that exactly how I feel about J. He is just so wonderful! even after being together for a year and a half, there really hasn't been a lot of change in him from when we were first seeing each other. Well, he's not as shy around me anymore, but besides that there is really not change. That tells me that he went into this the same way I did. Completely himself, and looking for something long term. He has also told me this. :)

So, really there are two main reasons I'm feeling like this towards him tonight.

First, Saturday night we went out to dinner. We met at the restaurant, which we do about 50% of the time, and the other 50% we either hang out at my house, or he picks me up. Anyway, we send each other a text message to let each other know the other made it home alright at the end of the evening. I forgot to send the message. Well, Sunday night I find out that he turned around, and drove 40 minutes out of his way to make sure that I got home OK. How sweet is that?

The other reason I have warm fuzzies is because I had kind of a crappy day today, and if you read my other post you'll see why. I was telling him all about my day today and he could tell by my voice that I was starting to get frustrated and angry again just talking about my day, so he spent the next hour doing whatever he could to make me laugh and take my mind off of my day.

OK, I'm done gushing. :)

K

What a CRAPPY day!!!

2007-01-30T16:48:00.000-05:00

Man, Tuesday SUCKS... So, I took the day off (unpaid, of course) to take C to the Eye Dr. He has to go about once every 6 to 8 weeks because his right eye is significantly weaker than his left eye (when I say significantly, I mean that the Dr. is seriously worried that the eye may just die on it's own because the left eye is SOO much stronger.) ANYWAY, usually I'm in and out of there, no big deal. Well.. My APT. was at 10:40 this morning.. and I am JUST getting home (2:30 P.M).. the Dr. didn't even see us until 1:30 this afternoon.. I was ANGRY.. but what sucks about me getting angry is that... I cry... I really have to stop the emotional tears.. I mean seriously.. It makes me look like a total basket case.. I am giving myself a little leeway for this week, well, just because it's that week.. probably TMI, but whatever..

Anyway, on the bright side, good news from the Dr. Last apt (6 weeks ago) vision in the right eye was 20/60 (with the glasses on.. I don't even want to know what it is WITHOUT the glasses on) and the left was 20/20 (with glasses.) This apt, right eye was 20/40.. That's like a 30% improvement.... I am so relieved... We went from patching just on the weekends to patching on the weekends and after school for a couple of hours, and it made such a HUGE improvement... He will still have to wear the patch for at least another year, but that's OK.

Now, continuing on with the story.. since it took so long to get out of the Dr. there was no point in taking C to school, as was the original plan, so that I could go get a filling.. Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't looking forward to going to the dentist or anything, but I NEED to get this filling, and now I have to wait another MONTH before I can go in.. ugh.. I just wanted to get it OVER with....

I am so unreasonably angry today.. I don't even know WHY I'm reacting so strongly to this, but I am.. I have also been acting pretty strongly to everything else too..
OK, vent over.. :)

Thanks for reading.

K

It's a Whole New Year!!

2007-01-08T12:03:00.000-05:00

Ok, so it is now 2007. I have realized that I did a LOT last year, and am wondering how to top that. Not sure if it can be done though. Not only did I quit smoking, but I also finished my course requirements for my Associates Degree. Yeah, not sure I'll be able to top that this year. I can always try. I'm hoping to winn the lottery or even the HGTV dream home. That would TOTALLY make my year.. heck, my LIFE.. lol..

Anyway, I am planninig on doing more blogging this year. I have many many sarcastic daily observations, and lots of random thought to share. I'm just not sure how receptive people will be to my random thoughts.. :)

well, enough rambling from me for today. :) Have a wonderful day!!!

K

Ok, been a while

2006-12-01T11:54:00.000-05:00

I'm not very good at this blogging thing, am I?

Oh, well. :)

so, there hasn't been a lot going on lately. I'm in my last semester of my Associates degree in Education, but I think I'm going to have to spend another semester here with a lot of easy classes to boost my GPA so I Can get into the local 4 year college's School of Education. My GPA is JUST too low, literally by .16!!! so, I'll just have to take a crap class load with easy A classes to boost the GPA next semester so that I can start my Bachelor's program in the Summer.... Then I need to come up with enough money to pay for a full semester of classes this summer, because I will be taking a full time semester at the MINIMUM!!! I am going to really start pushing hard to get my Bachelor's done.. I would LOVE to be able to get it done in three semesters, but I'm not sure if I'll have the time or money for that. Not with my parents moving halfway across the country, and me needing to find a place to live, and work, and pay rent, etc.. If I did want to finish in three semesters, I would have to take a MINIMUM of 20 credits a semester. I KNOW I will have to take at least 15 a semester to finish in the average four semesters, so I may just go all out to get this done and over with. Then I have to go through a one year Master's program. I think I will be OK if I can get my Bachelor's done in three semesters (Including the summer) then I'll only be there for two years and come out with a Master's degree instead of spending two years there and getting a Bachelors degree. That would be SOOOO nice!!

I am so afraid that I won't be able to do this though. My support system will be gone, and I'll be here, alone, a single mother, strugling, with NOBODY but one good fiend and a WONDERFUL boyfriend that I'm not sure if I'll even be with for much longer...

Maybe I SHOULD just go to Oklahoma with my parents.. I should research OU and Central Oklahoma and see what their requirements are...

I'm just so confused and I don't know what I want to do, I am SO TORN right now. I want to stay here and see where this relationship with J goes because he is such a great guy, and I love him so much, and we work so well togeather. On the other hand, we both have goals to accomplish before we think about getting married or anything like that, and I know it will be a struggle for me, and I'm not sure if I am ready to face that yet.

I don't even have a clear view of what the next year will be like, and that scares me too. It shouldn't, I have faced things like that my entire life... That not knowing what I'll find.. I guess tha the reason why I an so scared it that my security blanket will be gone. I will TRULY, for the first time in my life, be on my own. Not even my mother could say that. My sister really can't at this point either, because she is still married, and has never had to face being COMPLETELY alone with a child to raise. My mother went from her mother's home, to her husband's home, back to her mother's home, and to another husband's home. She has never tuly been on her own either.. It's just kind of freaking me out some..

K

I Thought I Broke my Toe Today

2006-07-04T23:04:00.000-04:00

So, I went grocery shopping with my mom today, because we usually go once a week sometime. Anyway, at the checkout C is playing with some things in the cart, and drops a huge can of aerosol Shout on my toe. It hurt SO BAD. The guy in line behind us was like "Are you ok?" and I always feel bad for the people who witness those kinds of situations, because I know how bad you feel when you watch it happen and can't do anything to stop it or even really help the person. Man it hurt. It still hurts. I'm pretty sure I didn't break it though. It didn't swell up an it doesn't hurt when I bend it, so I'm assuming that it's just sore. That's about all that's been going on here today. C played with sparklers in the back yard, and my brother lit off some fireworks, and that's about it.

K

Good Day

2006-07-03T22:18:00.000-04:00

So Today was pretty good. Not too much going on, I woke up and did the laundry, and the dishes. Ran the dishwasher, and put away the clean dishes. Hung out around the house for a little while. Then took the boat out with my mom, step-dad, and the little monster. C caught three fish today, he's 4 and this was his first attempt at fishing. His Papa J (my step dad)helped him out. We got into an argument about worms versus minnows, and I won because the worms got the fish today, and then Papa J caught a 2 lb bass, so he was pretty happy too. C though that the boat broke at first because he's only used to seeing it in the yard on the trailer, so when the boat floated off of the trailer he started crying like he was devastated, going "oh, no. The boat is broken." me and my mom were cracking up, it was soo cute. Well, that's really all that's going on here today. I'm working on "My Awful Beautiful Life Part 2" right now, but I can't guarantee when it will be completed, so if you are actually interested, go ahead and check back around the end of the week.

K

Pink Toenail Polish

2006-07-02T16:21:00.000-04:00

I'm just kind of in a really good mood today, and wanted to just get it out. I've been really stressed out the past few months, and Thursday and Friday this week it seemed like everything just came to the boiling point. I was bitchy on the phone with my boyfriend, and short with everyone around me. My poor friend went shopping with me and got the brunt of my stressed out mood. Bless her for taking it so well. I even took my stress out on my mother. Friday was just as bad, and I spent the entire day crying while I was cleaning the house, washing my truck, and giving the dog a bath. Finally Friday night I felt good. I was emotionally and physically drained, and it felt SO GOOD. I slept like a log, and Saturday I felt wonderful. Today I feel just as good. It's such a relief to get to the point where the stress, and life feel like they're about to break you, and to be able to just release all of that in one long, bitchy crying jag.
My boyfriend came over last night, and we watched a movie. He really helped me feel so much better this weekend also. We just sat on the couch and he held me. I had no idea how much I just needed to be held, and cuddled until last night. Some days he knows just what I need and I love and appreciate him all the more for it. Other days he's a typical guy, and I know he just doesn't realize the things that go through my mind, or why or how or just the way my mind works, but that's any guy, (ok, my mind is a tricky labyrinth so it's any person including me) and at least I understand this. He even noticed that I painted my toenails pink. He thinks painted toenails are sexy, so he always notices when I change the color, but it seemed extremely sweet last night.
Well, I think I've run out of things to say today. I may be back later to post more about my life.

K