I'm getting married

In 18 weeks and two days. Holy Shit. I'm sort of freaking out a little. This is HUGE..

I hate school.

I feel like I'm back in high school. I don't want to go to class, I don't want to do the work. Every thing's kind of happening RIGHT NOW and it all needs to be done last week and I'm starting to freak out. I hate school. I just wish I was done with it all. I think I may transfer to a different school next semester. It's sad, NONE of the classes I'm taking this semester are classes that I'll need. Luckily they ARE related to my major and could potentially help me out in my future career, which means they aren't totally wasted classes, they just aren't necessary for my specific degree program. It sucks. I sure hope I can get a lot of classes in this summer. :P I just wish it was over with. ugh.

K

Wedding.

I figure while I'm here, doing updates anyway, I should probably update about the wedding to. It's still on. But instead of the small wedding I wanted... It's now somewhere around 60-70 people. I'm not super happy with that, but whatever. I found photographer that I want, but I haven't convinced Jake to let me go ahead and book him. I emailed a baker but haven't heard back from him yet. The plannings going well so far. Hopefully It'll continue to run smoothly.

K

It's been a while...

I'm sorry dear... few... readers, that I have neglected you. :) It's just been a little crazy lately. I'll go ahead with the rundown of what's been going on with me.

August: Classes started at work and at school. Got super busy, J and I had something planned for every weekend this month and didn't have a whole heck of a lot of time to do anything. Closed on the construction loan for the house, the foundation was done and the house was brought in the last week of August. :) YAY! Exciting! :)

September: Work and school still going on, starting to get burnt out with both. Sick of it taking FORFREAKINGEVER! to graduate. Running out of original ideas for work, and feel like I'm running ALL THE TIME because I'm only here three days a week. House is set on foundation and contractor goes about getting things done. We have something planned for pretty much every weekend this month as well. Feeling generally burnt out due to constantly running. Family drama with J's family... SIL walked out on his brother. Good riddance I say. She wasn't good enough for him and he'll find out that her leaving was the best thing to happen to him. She was just simply... TRASH.

October: Water line for the house goes in. We're currently waiting for the meter for the power to be put in and the electricity check. Hoping to get the keys this weekend, but more than likely won't. :( SHOULD have them by next weekend. EXCITED! Work and school are getting into a routine. Got to be a lazy ass last weekend and am starting to feel a little refreshed.

OK, that was the quick and dirty of what I've been up to. If you have any questions.. Ask!

K

Random Peice of Paper.

So, I'm having issues with my thyroid, and I've gained 23 lbs. since April... Yeah, SINCE APRIL! yuck. Anyway, hopefully once my meds get straightened out I'll drop it pretty quickly. That's usually what happens with these things. Anyway, I have one pair of jeans that is one size larger than what I normally wear, along with a couple other pair of comfortable pants for times like these. I've already worn the other pants this week, and they all need to be washed. I tried fitting into one pair of regular jeans this morning. It's not happening today. So I'm digging through my closet and I see my "fat jeans" and put them on. I don't like wearing them a lot because they are short and the waist likes to ride down... dangerously.

It's been a while since I've worn these jeans. I've moved since the last time I've worn them. I also realized about 10 minutes ago that my grandmother was still alive the last time I wore these jeans. The 14th of July was the one year anniversary of her death.

The realization hit me when I was sitting at my desk and noticed that there was a piece of paper in my back pocket. I put everything in my back pockets if I'm wearing jeans, BTW. I pull it out and it's obviously been washed. I start to open it and I realize what it is.

When I was living at home my mother would make us write Christmas lists, each of us were supposed to have 10 items on our list, and they were supposed to be to her by Thanksgiving so we could all start our shopping. My sister, brother and I usually just typed ours and gave my mom the typed sheets so she could make copies (we'd all get a packet with every one's list in it the Monday after Thanksgiving). My Grandmother's last Christmas, not quite two years ago, she gave me her list to type.

It's funny how random things can make you look like a blubbering idiot sitting at your desk at work. This piece of paper that I've pulled out of my pocket was her last Christmas wish list. In her handwriting. I figured it would be easier to see things like this over a year later. It's not. I still miss her. I miss her a lot.

K

Not a whole lot.... But enough

So, there hasn't been a whole lot going on. I say that a lot, and when I start describing what's going on it turns out to be a lot. I just don't seem to have a concept of what having "a lot" going on is.. lol... with my definition of "not a lot" is what it is I'd really hat to see my definition of "ton's of stuff" lol..

House news: Every thing's signed. The hose is ordered. Everything needed for the building permit (on our end) is in the county planer's office waiting for whatever the builder needs to do. The builders have already had people on the site. They have started hauling in dirt to make the platform. the longish estimation is 5 - 7 weeks until the house is on site. After that it will be putting it on the foundation and putting it together and getting everything hooked up. Hopefully J will be able to move his stuff in (or at least start moving it in) by the end of November.

Wedding news: We've finally agreed to a VERY SMALL wedding. Just me, him, C, his dad officiating and two witnesses of his choice. I feel really good about this but have had some guilty feelings about not having anyone else there. When I start thinking about it expanding to include parents and siblings I start to freak out so I'm sticking with the minimum guests for the ceremony. I don't know how I'm going to tell my family, though. My mother is going to be disappointed and I hate dealing with her crap sometimes, but she'll just have to deal with it. I'm still getting a dress, and I'll probably get a photographer for the ceremony and then to do the TTD pics afterward. I have no idea about the reception. He seems to be OK with still having it, so I guess we will, but I don't even need that. I think it'll just be a BBQ for a few hours, everyone just hanging out and having fun, with maybe cake an some music. Just low key, and no one has to even show up if they don't want to.

School stuff: I'm doing OK this semester. I'm about done with it all, though and ready for this semester to be over with. I'm just glad I'm not taking classes through the community college next semester. The CC and the University start a week apart, so the CC starts and ends a week earlier than the University, so when I take classes at both I lose about a week of my break in there. 24 credits to go for my BA after the summer semester is over.

Work stuff: Work is better. I've realized that it's not the job that I'm having trouble with, it's the support. I have to do so much on my own and it's difficult. I've decided to do two events a month, but do one on the one campus one week and one on the other campus the next week so that I'm not rushing around trying to do so much when I won't be there two days a week anyway. This will help me look pretty good at work, too, hopefully. Though, I do need to start my report for next spring so that I can remember everything that I did.

Health stuff: My thyroid is all out of whack right now. I'm going up and down on the energy thing, and I think that my Dr. needs to seriously boost my meds. I have am apt. tomorrow, though, so hopefully that goes well. I've also started to pay more attention to when I take my pill in relation to when I take other pills as well as when I eat because I'm supposed to take my med on an empty stomach. I'm also working on making sure to take my pill at a more consistent time. These changes that I've made would probably have been what my Dr. would have told me to do in the first place, so having already made the changes when I see her I'll be able to tell her how I feel and what changes I've made. She'll probably boost my dosage and then have me keep consistent with those changes and then come back in another 6 - 8 weeks for blood work, etc... to see how I'm doing. Funny enough when I was taking pre natal vitamins I was feeling much better, even though I was taking them WITH my thyroid med. which is a no no because the supplements can prevent the meds from absorbing. Anyway, I'm taking the vitamins again, but I'll be taking them in the evening instead of the morning, along with my BC (I know, strange to be taking pre natal vitamins and birth control at the same time, but whatever.)

Kid stuff: We have boosted C's Concerta again. Just started it yesterday, but so far so good. We didn't have any issues coming off of it like normal. No tantrums yesterday, but we did have a hard time getting him to sleep last night. he seemed to be very calm yesterday, so we'll keep an eye out and see how he acts over the next few weeks.

Relationship stuff: J and I are doing well. I'm feeling better about everything. I've been a little erratic and getting all pissed at him for no reason, but I'm going to blame that on my thyroid, because I feel like I shouldn't get mad but I can't control it. Lately I haven't been getting upset as much, though. But since we got my results for my blood work back he's been super attentive and really worried about how I'm doing. He's been really big on making sure I'm getting enough rest and helping with C and just basically making sure to give me a break if it seems like I need it. It's been such a huge help, and I am so freaking lucky to have found someone so willing to step up and just be there for me.

Other family stuff: Still civil with mom, but dreading telling her that she's not coming to the wedding ceremony. I'm thinking of having her come with me to look at dresses and at least letting her be a part of that since she won't be at the ceremony. Not sure how she'd feel about going with me to try on dresses knowing that she won't be at the actual ceremony. Whatever, we'll just have to see.

That's about all that's going on with me lately... see, not a whole lot, but enough.

K

People Piss me off.

So, we had an issue with J's SIL. She can't take a shit without an audience standing around her and clapping for her. I swear, she's an adult with her own job and own home and is too "weak" to take out her own freaking garbage. Anyway, He basically had to let her and his brother know that he doesn't mind helping with things like feeding her dog when she works nights, or emergency situations, but anything else she can either do herself or wait untill her husband gets home. Anyway, that's taken care of now so I'm happy abou that.

THEN there's his father. Last night they were planning to go look at some tractor or something. Something I am COMPLETELY uninterested in. There was absolutely NO NEED for me OR his mother to go, but his dad insisted on his mother going, and she just gives in instead of standing her ground, so I was like "WHATEVER, I'll go" but I was so beyond PISSED. So, we get there and it was a LOCKED lot that we literally drove past to look out the freaking window at something. After that I asked "IS that it?" then I was like "What in the WORLD was the point of EVERYONE getting into the car for that???" Nobody said anything because, I, of course, was right. also, I'm sure they all knew I was pissed and didn't want to get me riled up or anything.

I don't know, you'll have to excuse me if I'm wrong here. I just have a really hard time understanding how a person can't do anything without somene else's head BEING SHOVED UP THEIR ASS!!!!! I just don't get it.

It also bothers me that his mother is just so resigned to doing what his father wants. It's like she's not allowed to have her own life and she's got to respond to his every beck and call. I just hate seeing that kind of crap because I know I don't want to end up being that resigned to everything. I dont want J to end up like that either. I don't see how his mother can be happy being someone else's slave like that. But I guess some women are just OK with the whole "Property" role.

I've just been in a really pissy mood lately, and I really can't stand people a lot. I don't know what the hell it is all about. Maybe it's that "Bridezilla" effect. They say that the reason so many brides do that crap is because it's their way of coping with the loss of their singlehood. Maybe i'm just a bitch. That's probably what it is.

I just know one thing. People piss me off.

K

Spell Check

It's there for a reason. Yet I reguse to use it. Someone tell me why I insist on sounding like an idiot. :) Anyway, hopefully I remember to use it from now on.

K

Everything sucks right now

Well, it's been a while. I don't eve know what's going on with me lately. I'm totally unsatisfied with my job and kind of worried that I may lose it. I'm just no longer interested in it for some reason. My medications have been messed up and that may be a contributor to the dissatisfaction with my job because it's been getting better.

I don't know what's going on with J and I. I want to postpone the wedding one day and I want to be married NOW the next. We've got everything done with the house, as soon as the appraisal goes through the bank they'll order the house and it should be move in ready within 4 or 5 months. So that's nice... I'm still freaking out about it all.

C is doing better, but we had a bad day at day care today. That's not good, it's only the second week.

Even though it all seems OK, everything feels like it sucks right now. I talked to my Dr. about depression at my apt in may, that's when we found out that I need to up my meds. I should talk to her about the fact that I seem to get more depressed and angry right before my period. I'm wondering if it has something to do with my birth control. I've been on it for two years and this has been happening for the past 6 - 9 months. I think that I'm going to finish reading TCOYF and then talk to J about going off of my birth control pill and use the FAM method. We're already using condoms too, and we're getting married within a year, so we'll have to see.

K